Restful Unrest

I haven’t slept through the night since contracting Lyme disease in 2008. Tinnitus, neuropathy, anxiety, night sweats, palpitations and apneas are my unwanted nighttime companions. I have tried numerous sleep hygiene tips. There is no cell phone in my room. I wear an eye mask. There is fresh air. There is a gentle ocean waves sound machine. None of that matters to my overly active mind.

Something I am finally figuring out is that what I do during the morning hours does have some positive impact on the nighttime ones. I now take an early morning walk, with my dog and cat BTW, and greet the morning sun, grateful to still be on this planet, however messed up it is. I’ve substituted viewing Buddhist monk teachings for some of my political online posts. I have also added some morning tai chi exercises, and even added a post-dinner walk. Now at night, before reading something mundane to calm my mind, I remind myself I am safe. When the inevitable repetitive, anxious thoughts invade my mind, I try to remind myself that they are just thoughts. These scary things I think up may never come to pass. I also recently started visiting my great-grandparents’ home from my childhood in my mind. Checking the Kelvinator fridge to see if my great-grandmother made Jello with mandarin oranges. Playing with tinker toys while my great-grandfather watches Lawrence Welk. Eating a bedtime snack of saltines with peanut butter or Jack cheese while my great-grandmother combs out her hair, or we read bedtime stories with my sister.

It hasn’t completely solved my insomnia, but it is helping. I am less reactionary. And in those 4 AM awakenings, I pet my dog and cat, who are piled around me, and think about something good or enjoyable I can do during the upcoming day.